1) Sneak out, install speakers in the ceiling, and blast (alternately) epic cinematic music and the programmatically generated soundtrack to Portal 2.
2) Redecorate the office softball tournament trophy into a new and meaningful sculpture.
3) Switch all of the desktop computers with one another.
4) Sing the song of my cats’ people to the fax machine when it rings.
5) Invent and diagram a Diet Coke fueled fully automatic Mentos machine gun. Leave the diagram anonymously on the desk of the HR Director.
6) Actually do work. Just not *that* work. Set up classic physics experiments by setting everything on the tops of the cabinets after weighing them, measuring the distance from the floor to the top of the cabinets, and document the potential kinetic energy I have added to the objects in the room. Then release all that stored energy, because I am secretly a cat.
7) Brew Turkish decaff coffee and enjoy all of it, confusing anyone who later witnesses said act.